Today’s Zero to Hero challenge is to write the post that was on your mind when you first started your blog. I did write a brief introductory post when I began HappyGoUnlucky, but have now password protected it due to too much personal information and a bit of embarrassment. However, I will explain more about that in tonight’s post with a brief synopsis and reflection of the past.
Reading some of my older posts makes me sad because I can’t believe I used to feel such a way about myself. I would make lists of all the things I hated in my life and never even knew what I had going for me; I’d cry myself to sleep for nights on end and never wanted to see my friends and was always so moody, irritable, and temperamental. At one point, I couldn’t believe even then how much I hated myself; I would look at Facebook pictures of other girls and compare body image, and I became so jealous of girls I considered my friends for things like academic achievements, appearance, and personal possessions. When I started this blog, I just really needed a friend to talk to and I honestly believed I had no one in my life to play that role. I remember reading a few of the senior girls’ blogs from journalism, and while personal, they were extremely well-worded and eloquent. I wanted to be them- I wanted to have a cute relationship and J. Crew clothes and I wanted to have some idea of where I was going in life and how I would get there- something they all seemed to know and proved through writing about daily happenings in their lives. It was fun reading their posts and I was jealous of them, and I’ve always wanted that so badly- for people to be jealous of me, for people to look at my life and think, “Wow, she’s got it all put together”. I most definitely don’t and don’t think I ever will, but sophomore me thought that even tricking people into believing that would be substantial enough. I think part of me started this blog as an effort to pretend my life was going better than it really was, and it boosted my self-esteem and gave me a place to vent and store feelings I didn’t feel comfortable enough telling people. I started this blog as a sad and confused sixteen-year old, and I’m not here to say that I am now a happy and confident seventeen-year old; life doesn’t work that way. And I don’t want to say that things are better now because they aren’t completely, and the road to overcoming so many insecurities is most definitely still continuing. My blog is not necessarily the reason things are getting better, but it helped me find my voice, and gave me a creative outlet and a secretive place for personal matters. It was the beginning of a long journey to recovery, and while people say “the first step to recovery is realizing you have a problem”, this was my way of doing so. And I loved every minute of it.
Hello friends! I came across something called the Daily Post today, in which much of the WordPress world uses to share and express one’s ideas. Being self-absorbed in my own emotions and own writing so much of the time, I never thought to read much of what others had to say virtually unless I lacked inspiration. However, the Daily Post is doing a zero to hero blogging challenge, and part of the reasoning behind it is to help spread communication between bloggers, possibly sparking friendships and trading ideas. The happenings of the previous year have left me obliged to become a greater person, and I don’t know any better way of doing this than immersing myself with people of different ethnicities and morals. I’m hoping this will be an opportunity to get to know myself and others better, and to enjoy writing more. Also, I’m looking to narrow down career possibilities for the future and to pursue a variety of hobbies, and am hoping to prevent hurting myself physically and emotionally ever again. While we each write our own stories and encounter our own experiences, I’d love to share my personal process. If you want to read more about this challenge, here is the link to it. http://dailypost.wordpress.com/zero-to-hero/
So who am I? and why am I here?
My name is Phoebe, and I am just an awkwardly weird girl living in a freezing city. Being a junior in high school, college preparations have been building on as fast as time is ticking and while I know who I am in the sense of being able to establish what I love, my goals and aspirations for the future have yet to become a part of my personal manifesto. For now, I know I like to read romance novels, listen to indie pop, take pictures, think about graduation, and am girly, friendly, confrontational, controlling, and occasionally self deprecating. I enjoy time spent with my family (mom, dad, and Annie, my 10-year old sister) and friends, spend way too much money on clothes and unhealthy foods, and love playing the piano and being a part of the swim team. I’m obsessed with beautiful people and love to converse with others. I get sad way too easily and am angry nearly as much, and with the help of people I love, am learning to become a better person by writing and talking with them, a professional, and especially myself.
I’m writing in this blog as part of a promise to myself, and while I may not be able to keep up with the daily entries being that school has always been my number 1 priority, I will try my best and hopefully learn about time management and explanations behind my personal turmoils in the process. I want to meet other bloggers and learn more about myself, and I want to get some experience as preparation for my journalism and psychology classes senior year. I’m hoping that this, and those courses, will help me decide or at least give some expertise on college and career choices. I want to feel better physically and emotionally, and become a happier person and erase the more despairing moments of 2013 from my memory. I want to love life as I did before, and I want to make my last few childhood years filled with opportune circumstances and happy moments. And, I want to share those times with you all and I want you guys to share yours with me. Maybe we’ll learn from each other and make our lives a bit brighter in the process.